why write?

Blogging requires some effort, apparently. I’ve been thinking all week (yeah, it’s been a week) about what I might write about next, and I’ve yet to actually sign on and type anything. Til now. So many relevant topics. Relevant to me, that is. Maybe not to other people. But again, this is my space. If anyone else wants to hang out here, that’s great, but I gotta make it work for me. My own little corner to rant and be self-indulgent so I don’t inflict that on -- and alienate -- the rest of the world.

So, topics. What do I feel strongly about? Right now I feel strongly happy that the sun is setting later and later in the afternoon. I feel strongly worried about teenagers who make stupid decisions and don’t understand consequences. I feel strongly sympathetic for people who die young, and for the friends who are left behind to grieve and try to make sense of it all. I feel strongly nostalgic about the idea of a little girl -- a young lady, really -- dressing up like a princess for a big date with the coolest guy in the world: her dad!

My head spins sometimes and I wish I could write as fast as I think. I wish I could just pour it all out onto a piece of paper or a computer screen and then put it together later, spruce it up to make sense. Like creating a work of art from a big old block of stone or lump of clay. But when I finally do get that pen in my hand, or make it to the keyboard, the words seem to fade or meld into each other, the idea still there but the words lost. Kind of like the way a dog thinks. In ideas. You know, there aren’t words running through his head, like, “I’m hungry. Feed me, please,” or “I really gotta go out.” But those thoughts are there, the idea of an empty belly or a full bladder, and they need to be addressed NOW! So he stares at you in that way, or barks to get your attention, and you know exactly what he means, what he needs.

I wish I could just give someone a look to convey the way I feel about those sunsets, or those teenagers, or those grieving friends and excited daughters. Words don’t do it. I’m a writer, and I love words, but I know that sometimes they’re just not enough. Or maybe they’re too much.

opening day

My first blog entry. Not as momentous as I imagined. Huh.

I chose the title Trapped in the Body of a White Girl after a 1980s song by Julie Brown. Not the black Julie Brown with the Brit accent who used to be on Club MTV, when they actually still played music videos. The white Julie Brown. The one who co-wrote the movie "Earth Girls Are Easy." She also had a small role in "Clueless." You'd know her if you saw her. Anyway, she wrote a song called "Trapped in the Body of a White Girl." Actually it was a whole album. It had that novelty song "The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun." Other songs on it were "Shut Up and Kiss Me," "Cause I'm a Blonde" and "I Like 'Em Big and Stupid." Great album. Fun. My college roommate gave it to me -- on vinyl -- Christmas 1987, and I knew all the words by New Year's Eve.

Anyway, in trying to come up with a blog title off the top of my head, something that fit me but wasn't too obviously cutesy or pithy, I thought, who am I right now, today? How do I feel, right this moment? I feel trapped, kind of. And the rest just fell into place. I'm trapped in the body of a white girl. I probably won't feel so trapped tomorrow, but the title's already in place, so I guess I'm stuck with it. That's fine. It will always make me smile.

I'm not sure who'll read this or who'll care, especially because I don't even know what I'll write. I love to write, but mostly just stuff about what I know and what I think, what's going on in my life and my head on a daily basis. (I'm a lousy -- and lazy -- researcher, so my writing skills did not lead me to a career in journalism.) I'm not so self-involved that I think too many other people will care much about my views on world politics or gridlock or why the hell Fox won't bring back another season of "Temptation Island." But once in a while I come up with a good idea or an insightful thought, so might as well put it out there. It's an outlet for me, a helpful one, I think, so anything else that comes of this blog will exceed any expectations I have.

Right now I'm looking forward to a relaxing evening of sushi, "What Not To Wear" on TLC, and perhaps a Vince Vaughn movie. That's the way I like to spend Friday nights. Low-key, almost banal. But that's fine. No one has to like it but me. Same way I feel about this blog.