the best laid plans

I didn't plan to love you. I never thought it would happen. It just didn't seem to be in the cards for me, and I was OK with that. I'd accepted my fate with no self-pity, no regrets, just gratitude that I was moving forward slowly but surely, only slightly worse for the wear but quite a bit smarter. I was finally able to pull my life together, make sense of it, and things were going along fine. No hassles, no expectations.

Then I met you. I wasn't sure at first. I'd traveled this road before and I was afraid to head down there again. Let's just keep things casual, nothing serious. This can work without a lot of fanfare. But you pulled me in. How could I not want to get to know you better, be a bigger part of your world? And you seemed willing to let me in. Only a little at first. We're all recovering from something, and caution is an underrated defense.

But time passed and our guards came down. I watched as our lives became slowly intertwined, even if you didn't realize it. I felt it in the little things -- a smile, a look, a laugh. And I started to relax. And now you've relaxed. There's a comfort level on both sides that I never imagined.

Now every day I feel a little closer to you, I fall in love with you a little more. The days when I thought I could keep you at a distance are barely a memory. The idea of a pseudo-commitment to you seems ludicrous. I didn't think I had it in me to love you. But I'm happy to say I was wrong. You've brought so much to my life and you probably don't even know it. Some day, when the time is right, I'll tell you how much you mean to me. Both of you.